“Here. Hold this…!”

fire pit


Top 10 Things to Do to Make 2016 the Worst Year Ever!

by Jefferson Holbrook, DSC.

— Step # 4 Hold Grudges! —

I hope you guys and gals are having (in alphabetical order) an awful, horrible, terrible year so far! Bet you are wondering where I’ve been? Or not. Whatevs.

kool aid man

Maybe I’ve been drinking my own Kool-Aid, so to speak. Leveraging my mad skills in following my own recommendations in the Second Installment of the “Top Ten Things to Do to Make 2016 Your Worst Year Ever!” by procrastinating.

So, since it’s been a hot minute, let’s recap:
1. Complain
2. Procrastinate
3. Blame
Aaaaaaannndddd #4? Drumroll, please. (or, maybe just an eggroll, that sounds pretty good right about now.)
4. Hold Grudges
That’s right. Today we’re going to learn the lost art of holding grudges!
Okay, let’s just say for the sake of argument… No, that’s not right. Let’s say for the sake of disagreement… No, that’s not right either. Let’s say for the sake of violent disagreement, (that’s better) that you have been actually following my advice so far. Awesome!
You’ve started the year of complaining, procrastinating, and blaming. But you haven’t been fired yet or successfully sabotaged any of your relationships? Okay, it’s time to take it up a notch. Holding grudges will definitely do just that. Holding grudges will take your efforts to make 2016 the Worst Year Ever up to a Whole. Nother. Le-vel. [picture me holding my hands up in dramatic fashion]
Charlotte Bronte in the book Jane Eyre remarked that “Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.” But, is it really? I mean is life really too short to spent in holding grudges?

A recent article by the Royal Geographical Society (not to be confused with the National Geographic Society, that still hasn’t sent me my free map of the United States of America) notes that “During the twentieth century, life expectancy rose dramatically amongst the world’s wealthiest populations from around 50 to over 75 years.” So, that makes me think that, Yes, there does appear to be enough time to hold grudges. And, if you want more evidence than that, just look around. Society is full of people who don’t let things go emotionally and get bitter and get even. It’s part of why we’re all going to “Hell in a Handbasket.” Or, why, according to Hal Lindsey, we are living in the “End Times”!!
But, I think we can all agree we are not in the ‘Ended Times,’ so let’s do what we can help that along, shall we? If there’s no solution, then being part of the problem puts you on the winning side…right?

So, that brings us to another quote on holding grudges. Anne Lamott, in her cute ratbook Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith, states that “Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” Sounds good right? Or does it?
What if you drink rat poison, then as it is taking effect, you fall on the rat! I bet Ms. Lamott never thought of that!

Hoarders make this look so easy. They never let stuff go physically and geographically. They never let go E-VER. We can learn from their example. When you hold on to the pains of the past and never let stuff go, it will eventually destroy you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
When your hands are full (metaphysically speaking) with memories of all the harms and hurts you have endured over the years, then you are not free to accept the probable blessings of the present and the possible blessings of the future. And you are well on your way to making 2016 Your Worst Year Ever!
confuciusWhat’s that you ask? You want one more quote? Well, okay. Just because I’m so awesome, I will give you a bonus quote. Confucius once said that “To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.”
Okay, so what’s wrong with that? I think we can all agree that forgetting what has been done to you either intentionally or unintentionally by others, might possibly lead to freer and healthier living. But that is definitely what we do not want if we are trying to have the worst year ever.gingko-biloba-tree Well, don’t worry. I am here to help.

Gingko and Biloboa supplements have been known to improve memory and sharpen recall of specific situations. You can definitely use this to empower yourself to hold more grudges and hold them longer!

Okay, last quote. I mean it.
“Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, however, is for those who are substantial enough to move on.” (Criss Jami, Salome’: In Every Inch In Every Mile) But what about those of us who are insubstantial, shallow, and not willing to move on? There is hope for us. And that hope has a name: “Sense of Entitlement!”
If you think the world owes you something, then you are on the right track. Expecting others to just grovel before your magnificient glory is even better. Then when anything (and I mean literally ANYthing at all) goes wrong or not according to your opaque and ever-changing plan, then feel free to get mad and stay mad.

Losers from all walks of life over the years have one unique characteristic in common: unforgiveness. If you are serious about making 2016 your Worst Year Ever, then at no time will you want to forgive anyone. Do not under any circumstances forgive your parents although they were just probably doing the best they could. Don’t forgive that co-worker who took your Coke from the fridge in the break room that said “Trendsetter” on it. cokeTheir Coke can was right next to yours and plainly said “#1 Fan” but this was not an honest mistake. They are out to get you. Do not let that stuff go. Hold a grudge. Plan revenge. That person who might have sort of cut you off on the highway even though they were quite a ways away. They made you slow down from 90 miles an hour to 85 miles an hour, so obviously they need to pay. And if you can’t get back at them, again, don’t let it go. Hold a grudge. How else is your heart going to grow cold and black if you don’t put a little effort into developing bitterness?

But with a little effort, you will succeed at making 2016 your Worst Year Ever!


Stay tuned for the next blog entry in which we learn the myriad benefits of Lying!new profile scruffy

Jefferson Holbrook, DSC, received a Doctor of Science in Communications from Tudor College of Earlscroft University and has published numerous essays, articles, poems, short stories and blogs. He is also the author of two collections of poetry. He lives with his family in the southeastern United States.



© Copyright 2016 Jefferson Brian Holbrook and Kingdom of the Son. All rights reserved.